News: Cockney Rejects
The Stool Pigeon no longer a cockney, new report concludes
THE STOOL PIGEON is no more a cockney than Dick Van Dyke, a new study has concluded.
According to tradition, cockneys are born “within the sound of the Bow Bells”, i.e. the church of St Mary-Le-Bows in East London.
But as the map shows, the acoustic reach of the bells has dramatically fallen over the last century-and-a-half, thanks to an increase in ambient noise.
Which means that our offices next door to Stratford (circled on the map below) are no longer within earshot of the call to prayer. And therefore we’re about as cockney as Guy Ritchie’s paisley cravat.
As you can see, in 1851 the bells could be heard across the City of London, Islington, Hackney and Tower Hamlets, and as far away as parts of Camden, Southwark, Newham, Westminster and Waltham Forest. Now it’s pretty much just the City and Shoreditch.
Perhaps we shouldn’t feel too down-’earted though — there are officially no maternity units within the modern-day acoustic reach of the Mary-Le-Bow Church, meaning newborn cockneys are a rare occurrence indeed in 2012.
We were going to break the news to The Stool Pigeon editor Phil, pictured below, this morning, but we couldn’t bring ourselves to tell him. He just looked so happy:
The sound map was produced by noise consultants 24 Acoustics to coincide with the launch of the Times Atlas Of London.