The Stool Pigeon

It gets complicated with Oli’n’Clive. The name makes you think of a duo, but they’re not at all: Oli is the main man, but Clive isn’t a man - he’s a band made up of two men and four girls. I think. They change around a lot. They had a cello player, but she left for Hong Kong to teach. So now Will has replaced the cello with a bass guitar. But he used to be the drummer. And this is before you go even further back in time to when Oli was still in the West Country. The whole band are pals with The Rumble Strips, two of which used to be in the first line-up of Oli’n’Clive. I think. “If we don’t say anything interesting,” says Oli stoically, “you could always draw a massive diagram.”

And then you might ask them what their wonderful debut single, ‘Excuse Me Please’, is about. Oli will say, “I went to Japan as part of my university course and there was a girl I had this on-off thing with that was all very dramatic. I left after my year was up, believing we still had something going on. Then I went back two years later thinking, ‘Here we go! This is gonna be amazing,’ but she’d got married in the meantime.”

“That’s not what it’s about at all,” pipes in ukulele, autoharp and eggs player (seriously!), Pottsy. “It’s about me. It’s about Oli’s screwed up love for me. I like to say that on stage because it makes him feel uncomfortable. At any rate, when we first met, Oli thought I was trying to pull him.”

“You always tell that story!” retorts Oli, “but I don’t even remember the night you’re thinking of. What about now? Do you wanna have an affair, Potts?

“No.”

And so it goes on round this table at east London’s legendary Noodle King, near where they all live, apart from musical saw player Ruby, who resides in deepest south London. They’ve all been in London for years, but none of them seem like Londoners. Violinist Clare is wearing wellies, and it’s not even raining.

“I guess we are country folk,” says Sanjay, who plays extra bass and violin, in the pub after. “But I’m not sure it’s country music we’re doing - more county music.”

Later, an email from Clare. “I understand that the next issue is out on the 12th and, on the off-chance that it hasn’t gone to print yet, please please can you mention our Christmas single release? It’s a double A-side of ‘Little Donkey’ and ‘Silent Night’.”

But I hadn’t forgotten. Sanjay had mentioned it saying it was going to be a download release only, “not a hard one”. And Oli said, “Did you say ‘hard one’?” Of course.

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