The Stool Pigeon

There are a lot of funny people about. As the rancid celebrity bubble swells further, it seems the Walter Mittys of this world want in on the action, especially in the heavy rock game. Recently there have been a series of strange events where unknowns have posed as metal icons in a bid to further their own ends. One of the more bizarre stories comes from Ontario, Canada, where a speeding driver conned police into believing he was David Lee Roth to try and convince them not to bust him for throttling along. What makes the story even more peculiar is the fact the impostor claimed to have a nut allergy, hence his need to put peddle to the metal. The ruse somehow worked, and it wasn’t until an undercover rocker at the station noted David Lee Roth was actually playing Madison Square Garden with Van Halen that night that questions were asked.

The tale didn’t end at the station. Apparently the Roth-a-like ended up being the life and soul of the party, whisking away a couple of nurses from the hospital to the local whiskey joint, where he performed ‘Ice Cream Man’ with the in-house band.

Constable Larry Plummer attempted to cover asses: “As soon as somebody wonders if it could be an impostor, everyone starts guessing. The main thing is, whoever he was, he was definitely very much in distress and our guys did an awesome job getting him help.”

The red-faced force managed to trace the identity of the man eventually, and from here on in things take a more sinister turn. The doppelganger turns out to be one David Kuntz, who in a 1988 murder trial was fingered for fiendishly convincing a girlfriend to do away with another girlfriend, Charles Manson-stylee. She stabbed the other woman 70 times with an 8” carving knife in front of her three-year-old daughter before pleading insanity, claiming Kuntz had been controlling her. Her mother called him “a liar” and “a con artist”, an accusation backed up by former school friends.

Less successful in the heavy rock impostor fraternity is Ken Grimley of Derbyshire, who was unearthed posing as Whitesnake’s Mel Galley last year - by Galley himself. Grimley had been signing autographs pretending to be the axeman, so axeman-turned-Equalizer Galley decided to turn up at the sad man’s home and confront him.

“I’m upset about the impersonation but I feel more sorry for the people who have fallen for it,” he said. “I found the Grimley meeting really eerie. I don’t wish him harm but I’m furious he has been leading his life as me.”

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